Comment on Saida revised proposal by Jack Dougherty

Saida, your revised proposal demonstrates that you watched and listened closely to Alfonso Bui’s film and have thought about the role of cultural houses at Trinity. But the writing needs to push further in order to fulfill this assignment, and I recommend you consider the following items when drafting your paper:
1) The current version offers one problem at the top (people are ignorant about race) and a different problem near the bottom (“the cultural houses are not doing their jobs”). Decide whether one or both are the central issue, and reorganize accordingly.
2) Focus your energy on a more robust and persuasive proposal for change. The current text states that “the cultural houses can become the popular solution,” but doesn’t tell us what this means beyond serving more diverse foods than the dining hall. Research what more active diversity programs look like on other campuses (because the Schuman “Language-Immersion Houses” article isn’t what you need here).
3) Take a stand on President Jones’ recent white paper. Read closely what he says about fraternities and cultural houses, and tell us whether it supports your case or misses the point.
Also note that the text above included several typos and sentence fragments:
Humans are naturally curio[u]s. . .
. . which [is] the cause of most racist comments.
. . . when [their] main job on campus. . .